A NOVEL BY ITSELF

So... First I did not even remember the last time I wrote a blog. Turns out it was fifteen days ago, well in an hour or so it will be in 16 days. I am just so not sure why I just stopped writing. I mean this is supposed to be an outlet for me. A way to connect with people I otherwise would never had met! Just because I am focusing a little harder on my walk with The Lord does not mean I need to shut down and limit my access to the outside world. Well, kinda... How outside is the Internet? Seems we are all connected in one way or another. We are all sitting at the computer or laptop in the comfort of our own home, "peeking out the blinds at the neighbor (that'd be me) trying to decipher ever look or word I say" . The only plus sides are:, is it is at a safe distance.
And (my fav) I get final authority:
I get the extreme pleasure of spell check... I hate when I misspell words.
I have supreme veto power... so take that Obama lol.
I can decide who has access to my lil' ol' blog... not that I have the fear that this will someday become a must-read for thousands of people.
***WOW*** Just realized how selfish I was becoming. Check out all those "I's". Looks like my ego ran away with my fingers again. Oh well, what can one truly do about that? Acknowledge and press on. So that is what I will now do. I will go back to my original intention of this particular post and share whatever is on my spirit, heart and mind. Not necessarily in that order... :)
I used to walk down these dirt paths as a kid. I loved being outside and just enjoying the gift that God gave us. How can something so simple make us feel so close with God... It just boggles my mind sometimes. Anyway, back to my story. I could feel Jesus' hand holding mine. I knew wherever I went, God would protect me. I just had such Faith. It seemed so easy. Why would someone let themselves fall away from such peace? I was naive and a little harsh on those adults in my life. I began seeing everything as black and white... You truly loved the Lord, surrendered your heart and life to him, and stayed close to him FOREVER. And, if you should ever backslide or just give up all together, you probably never truly loved God enough to sacrifice EVERYTHING, and therefore, it was all an act. No I never shared these thoughts with anybody or criticized them (out loud anyway), but nonetheless, this is what I used to hold true to. If it was good enough for me, than it was good enough for EVERYONE to do.
My naive self had such little life experience. I did not fully understand the traumas life can sometimes bring you and how hard it is to recognize a problem by yourself, let alone step back onto the right path. Soon... Oddly enough, in my so-called "peak years" as a Christian, I began witnessing my mentors falling away, in one form or another. I told myself, I chose a weak person for a mentor and would chose an even spiritually stronger person the next round. After they all started dropping like flies, my OWN faith began being washed away by a slow steady rain fall. Not enough rain to make you become more cautious. Definitely not enough rain to seek help in fortifying the very ground I walked upon (spiritually speaking). I just focused on other aspects of my walk. I kept thinking, maybe if I prayed more, or maybe if I read my Bible more, or if I would have taking more notes in church. Never at the same time, by the way. Just focus on one at a time, if that didn't stop the rain (emotionally, mentally, spiritually) move onto the next. I was so unaware of the WHOLE process and how vital it was. I was using a scalpel, when all I really needed to use was a hatchet (Sorry had to do it :P ).
After I gave up stopping the rain, it took me a long time to scrutinize the potential damage being done by the rain. After a few years my little tiny stream, became a slow, steady river. Meandering down the lowest, quickest, and easiest route to the ocean. I did not foresee any crucial changes, so I persevered (or so I thought). I continued down the SAME path as before. Just getting my feet wet a little bit more. After a few years and a few huge storms: watching my sister rebel against our family, her getting in an accident from a drunk driver, finding out she was prego while she was her coma, having my dad unexpectedly die in the middle of the night (by far the biggest), I looked down and noticed I was knee-deep in what was now a mini canyon filled with water. I could have jumped out and changed direction to higher ground, once again, but I was in shock. I finally realized where this path was leading me, to deeper water. And my faith in man was at an all time low. I was afraid to ask for help and open up. I finally sought out the wisdom from my long time pastor. He gave me the tools and the boost up to get out of that canyon. I began down a parallel path, just this time, out of the water and uphill.
This is the time in my life when I would occasionally look down in awe of how far I had come. The path below me was now a wide and deep canyon. The walls were so high. Thinking about me continuing down that path I was on and looking down to where I would've been now gave me the shivers! It scared me to no end!
I got married to my wonderful husband and best friend. We had two gorgeous girls seventeen months apart. We had our own place, life was good!
Then hurricane season came and hit the Inland Empire of Southern California. My husband changed jobs for a better opportunity and that employer ended up losing everything. Promising to have more money next week. Having to hash it out with the bank trying to get rid of those overdraft fees the first couple times the check bounced. Having to rush right over to the bank and cash it before everyone else tried to cash theirs. Not being bale to find work in the construction industry. The fear of losing this modest life we lived. Having to make the crucial decision of paying rent or the truck payment (without the truck payment, no car, no work, no money, no food). Having to finally move in with the in-laws and let our truck get repossessed. Struggling for intimacy with four people (hubby, myself and our 2 girls) sleeping in a medium sized bedroom. Having to have mommy and daddy work opposite shifts (There goes that needed connection). Having to work Sundays (there goes that MUCH needed connection and fellowship).
Upon further inspection I realized I had veered down the hill I tried so desperately to climb to and fell right back into that same damn canyon. This time it looked like the Grand Canyon. Not that I have ever seen the Grand Canyon (yet anyway). I resigned myself to this new way of life and almost gave up completely. It was hopeless..... I was hopeless......

Then a bright spot opened up. Our Church had started a new couples Bible study "Love & Respect". It saved our marriage. It gave us a kid free time of adult interaction. It let us connect and support each other in ways I never thought possible. We began preparing our relationship for the hardships we knew and the hardships we did not know were ahead of us: AKA Basic Combat Training. We focused on The Word of God and Jesus' say on marriage and conflict.
Once again I was walking up that hill, but this time, I took an umbrella, my husband and a guide, my Savior. So when the rains flow, I will not lose my vision and I will follow my God. I am more determined now than ever!
I am here on Solid Ground! I am staking my claim on my spiritual happiness. I need You Jesus. Fill me completely. Allow me to feel worthy. I need to focus on your word and stand tall, head high, focused on where you are leading me.


"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" -Philippians 4:13


My walk with my Savior had become a slow scary path. Almost like a low spot that collects water when it rains. With each shower, a little bit more of my dirt was washed away. So slowly that in fact I did not even notice. By the time I had the first observation that the rain was ever so slowly eroding away the path I walked upon, it was so small I did not even bother with patching it up. It would have definitely been an easy fix. A little extra dirt, a few rocks and it would have all just stopped right there.
Instead, I let each rainfall come and go, come and go... without a worry in my mind. Prepare yourself for the coming storms. They are coming and will wait until you are not looking.
Thanks for reading my novel... (Sorry so long)
STANDING ARMY-WIFE STRONG,
Jamie Lynn Mitchell