One Chapter in My Life

My husband and I met in high school. We went to the same church, but I had an "on again-off again" boyfriend. I was in no way interested in my husband, well at the time, anyway. To make a long story short, after my dad died unexpectedly in 2002; I began confiding in his sister, Christina. That girl literally saved my life. Not only did we crack each other up all the time, but she shared her entire life with me. She shared her clothes, make-up, hair stuff, family, room, even her bed! The best thing about our relationship, is I never had to ask to keep staying there. Her family has such an open and loving heart. It became a refuge from the grief. In a way, I guess I could pretend that everything was normal and my dad was still alive, and our family was still intact. While my mom was working 50+ hours a week, my sister was working 40+ hours a week, my brother was going to school and running around with his friends, and my other sister was busy taking care of her two kids and working, I could pretend that there was somebody missing me. Trust me, I know my family loves me to death, but when you lose somebody so unexpectedly like that, you almost become lost and blinded by the grief. I was hurting, a lot. I felt lost and alone. I was only 15 years old when my dad passed away on October 15, 2002. Thanksgiving and Christmas sucked! We tried our best to keep things normal, but it can never be the same when a family loses someone. At first, we all relied on each other for support and reassurance. Then, ever so slowly, we all started getting back to our routine of working and self-preservation. I even went to bed at 4am to get ready for school the night he died just after midnight. Some might think what I did was uncaring or cold, but I had my PSAT's the very next day. I had always wanted to go to college. As a side note, I am very smart. I am lazy, lol , but VERY smart. While everyone else struggled to cram for tests and do homework every night. I did the exact opposite. I would sit around, killing time, until we had dinner, then I would stay up almost all night talking on the phone with my "on again-off again" first boyfriend. I got several scholarships for my test scores on the Golden Sate Exams, which are still good until I turn 30. I stopped caring completely after my dad died. We had always struggled financially, and then without my dad, I just sort of gave up on college.
ANYWAY, after my dad died, I don't really remember anything, except the few school parties I would go to, and the ditching classes to do absolutely nothing. I am not sure when me and my first boyfriend broke it off for the last time, but I am 100% it was his choice. That is how it always was in that relationship. I think my biggest mistake was staying friends with him, because, eventually, we would get back together, and then break up, and then get back together, yada-yada-yada. So sometime after my sixteenth birthday I began falling in love with Christina's goofy older brother Josh. He was, is, and will forever be hilarious! He has the power to crack me up, no matter what! It was not until his brother threw him a birthday party and we kissed that I realized I might like him. He wanted to date me and I was not ready for that roller coaster called dating! So I told him to wait until I figure out if I am over Ray. The next 35 days were the happiest and the most frustrating. We began spending more and more time together, without Christina. He would ask me if I wanted to learn how to ride a dirt bike, so we went to the hills and tried to teach me how to ride his bike. It failed miserably, BUT we got even closer. I enjoyed finding out what my true feelings were for Josh. He has these Chocolate brown eyes that I just can get completely lost in. :) As the weeks past, he began getting upset with me. He got a little pouty when we would be hanging out. I even remember one time, he was sitting outside by the fire pit in a blanket, pouting! I was impressed that I could affect someone like that. And at the same time, I didn't want the drama. I wanted the carefree Josh that I was falling in love with. I was a little annoyed and at the same time excited. When I asked what was wrong, I remember him saying that he wanted to know and thought that he deserved to know how felt about him. He wanted to be MORE than friends and thought I did, too. I pretty much told him, give me some time. I will figure it out and if I kiss you, then it means I am ready for a relationship. So a few weeks passed by, and then one day, I headed up the stairs, went into the office, and said hi, and kissed him! :) And we have been together ever since!
Sometimes, I wonder if my dad were still here, if we would have ended up together, and I think we would. God designed us so perfectly, it is a little scary! We are in no way perfect, but we are perfect for each other! That man holds my heart in his hands, if he wanted to, he could easily crush it, instead he guards it with his life! He is my heart and will always be.
So sorry it is all over the place. Normally I try to organize, and hit all the topics in orders, but this is how my heart and mind work. Get over it! :)